Bowlby’s Attachment Styles
ATTACHMENT STYLES, ACCORDING TO BOWLBY
WHAT ARE ATTACHMENT STYLES?
Bowlby's attachment styles are defined as the degrees of security and trust in interpersonal relationships. Interestingly, the types of attachment are shaped already in infancy through the formation of bonds between the child and the so-called figure of attachment, i.e., a person with whom the toddler has frequent contact and who is a rich source of sensory stimulation for him - usually, it is the mother.
The behaviour of the primary caregiver/attachment figure, his presence, and the closeness he showed significantly impact a child's mental and physical development. According to E. Erikson's psychosocial concept of development, from birth to the first year of life, a child can develop a fundamental sense of trust in himself, others, and the world. However, developing a constant distrust of yourself and those around you is also possible. It all depends on the activity of adults who take care of the child then and may not even realize how vital their behaviour is.
John Bowlby, in his theory of attachment, distinguished four stages of the formation of types of attachment:
The child does not distinguish between familiar people and strangers in the first phase (from birth to about 8/12 weeks). His behaviour is similar to everyone around him.
The second phase (2/3 to 6/9 months) is when the infant is friendly to everyone but slowly begins to distinguish caregivers from other people. The end of this phase is the emergence of fear of strangers.
In the third phase (from 6/9 months to the end of 2 years of age), the child learns new attachment behaviours during development, i.e., those that maintain closeness with the primary caregiver. This is when patterns of attachment with the caregiver are formed.
In the fourth phase, which begins at the age of 3, the child starts to consider not only the caregiver's behaviour but also his plans and intentions. He also begins to understand the social world better and understand its complexity.
It is worth noting that the attachment style consolidated in early childhood impacts a person's functioning in adulthood and throughout life. When it comes to building bonds with other people, including getting involved in romantic relationships, it is a matrix according to which future interpersonal relationships are built. Nevertheless, changing one's attachment type is possible, although it requires a lot of work and long-term, close interpersonal contacts that are corrective experiences.
Bowlby's collaborator, and at the same time a follower of the attachment theory - Mary Ainsworth- distinguished three attachment styles: secure, avoidant, and anxious-ambivalent.
A fourth attachment style, known as fearful-disorganized, was later identified (Main & Solomon, 1990)
WHAT IS A SECURE ATTACHMENT STYLE?
A secure type of attachment is formed in a child when the mother (or another caregiver who is a figure of attachment) is a stable person, able to show closeness, her reactions are predictable for the child, and she notices and responds to his needs appropriately, provides him with the right amount of stimulation and emotional support.
A child characterized by a secure attachment style, after a short separation from the mother/attachment figure or in a threatened situation, seeks contact with her, allows herself to be comforted and reassured, and then returns to play. He feels safe when his mother is around, so he allows himself to explore his surroundings and has a friendly attitude toward strangers in her presence. He endures separations, and he happily greets her after his mother's return.
WHAT CHARACTERIZES AN ANXIOUS-AMBIVALENT STYLE?
In a nutshell, the anxious-ambivalent style arises as a result of the psychological unavailability of the mother (or another person who is the figure of attachment). This unavailability manifests itself, among others, in not noticing or not responding to the child's needs; low involvement in establishing and maintaining contact with the child; manifestation of behaviours inadequate to the given situation (e.g., reacting with anger to the child's manifestations of fear) and lack of consistency in the behaviour of the caregiver (the same situation reacts differently depending on the current mood) - the child does not know what to expect, there is no sense of security in the relationship.
A child with an ambivalent attachment style is not interested in exploring the environment. He also shows anxiety and a lack of trust towards people he does not know. In addition, a quite characteristic feature of the anxious-ambivalent attachment style is the child's great anxiety in separation from the mother and, importantly,
experiencing difficult emotions even after the caregiver's return. The child will not be reassured and may also show anger at being left behind.
WHAT IS AN AVOIDANT ATTACHMENT STYLE?
A child with an avoidant attachment style usually feels stressed when separated from his mother, and after her return, he maintains distance and avoids contact with her. However, in everyday situations, the toddler does not resist interactions with her but does not show any desire to contact her. It even happens that he reacts more friendly to strangers than to his guardian, whom he can ignore.
The child's avoidant attachment style is formed in response to the negative attitude of the mother (or another person who is the figure of attachment) towards him. As a result, she may not get satisfaction from interacting with the child, be very focused on herself, and be indifferent to his needs. However, it is worth remembering that such a situation is often not the mother's choice; she may be struggling with an illness or, for other reasons, unable to meet the child's emotional needs.
However, there are also cases of too high demands placed on the child by the guardian, who strictly enforces their fulfilment. This adult attitude also favours the development of an avoidant attachment style.
HOW DO BOWLBY'S ATTACHMENT STYLES AFFECT ADULT LIFE?
Bowlby's attachment styles formed in childhood accompany us later in life. For example, they impact bonding and building friendships with peers during adolescence. However, during adulthood, the place of the previous attachment figure is taken by a new, most important person for us - a partner.
It is prevalent for people to display their childhood attachment style in a romantic relationship. Nevertheless, of course, the characteristics of attachment types change with age. And so:
People with a secure attachment style usually:
have a high degree of trust in people,
they do not exaggeratedly fear rejection or loneliness,
they do not seek approval at all costs,
recognize the partner's needs,
can recognize and regulate their emotions,
know how to set their boundaries,
they care about both their partner and themselves,
they accept the partner's behaviour leading to intimacy and derive satisfaction from it.
People with an anxious-ambivalent attachment style often:
express intense anxiety about the durability of the relationship,
exaggerated fear of rejection or loss of a loved one
want to have control over the partner to ensure a sense of security,
they do not accept themselves and seek acceptance from the partner in the relationship,
want to connect with the other half as much as possible (create unity) without respecting the boundaries of the other person,
may show excessive jealousy,
have problems controlling their own emotions and exhibit impulsive behaviour,
they tend to compare themselves with others, e.g., their partner's previous partners.
People with an avoidant attachment style have a tendency to:
Having distrust of people,
Reluctance to commit to a relationship
for fear of rejection, they try not to show their emotions,
avoid intimacy and mutual closeness,
prefer non-committal relationships (without declarations),
they create themselves as strong and independent people (hiding their weaknesses),
inconstant relationships, they show an excessive need for control and rigidity of behaviour,
tend to be impulsive.
WHAT IMPACT DO BOWLBY'S ATTACHMENT STYLES HAVE ON ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIPS?
Reading the above descriptions of the manifestations of individual attachment styles in adult life, one may be tempted to conclude that people with a secure attachment style create the most satisfying and healthiest relationships. However, scientific research confirms that the more partners in a relationship are securely attached, the more positively they perceive their relationship. For example, they derive greater satisfaction from being together, and they argue better, which may also be due to the fact that they can listen to each other, explain misunderstandings, share their emotions, and talk not only about everyday matters but also about intimate topics.
On the other hand, people showing insecure attachment types in a romantic relationship (i.e., anxious-ambivalent or avoidant style) are significantly less satisfied with the relationship. It does not give them much satisfaction, and their mutual communication needs to be more sincere and open to information sharing. This, in turn, facilitates the emergence of conflicts and, at the same time, makes them difficult to resolve.
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Bowlby, J. A Secure Base: Clinical Applications of Attachment Theory. London: Routledge; 2012.
Salter, MD, Ainsworth, MC, Blehar, EW, & Wall, SN. Patterns of Attachment: A Psychological Study of the Strange Situation. New York: Taylor & Francis; 2015.
Chinvararak, C., Kirdchok, P., & Lueboonthavatchai, P. (2021). The association between attachment pattern and depression severity in Thai depressed patients. PLoS One, 16(8), e0255995.
